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Obsessions..they become

Obsessions... they can haunt you, or they can make you who you are. The concept itself is pretty incredible, one thing (wether it may be a thing, an object or a concept) controls you, itís what fills your mind day in and day out, itís your weakness usually. For a teenage grrl, usually it being ďa guy,Ē maybe since he said 2 words to you in Biology, or took a bite of yer lunch, whatever it is, itís usually a guy. Just read Kinipelaís comments in my past article, ďFuture GrrlsĒ itís not a sick obsession, but obviously those guys she mentioned are incredibly important in her life. Itís almost universal...but then again, sometimes I donít feel like iím a part of that universe at all.

I hate my obsession, flat out hate it. It haunts me, it torments me, if I could change it, I would... Iíve tried to, but it just wonít pass. Time. It wonít pass, or it passes all to quickly. Itís like this everlasting nightmare, and even if you pinch yerself to wakeup, you canít... Itís a weird obsession, Iíll admit that, but it plays a huge part in everyoneís daily life. Like my mom, shes watching over my little brother and I right now, and she has absolutely no time at all. Itís like sheís trying to defeat the world with one hand, while typing up notes for a meeting with another, and folding laundry with her feet. There are only so many hours in the day, and itís not like you can add them at yer leisure (one can wish *smile*) so the work one often has to do, just canít be done. Time makes the impossible impossible, and the possible, well, somewhat possible.

Time has made my school life horrible!! ďProject in 2 weeks...Ē ďHomework is due tomorrow...Ē ďYour final will be time, you will only have 2 hours.Ē And, if you know me, you know my wonderful ability to procrastinate, so ďProject in 2 weeksĒ in my language means, ďOk, Caitlin, you have 2 weekends to do it, leave it for the Sunday before itís due.Ē So Iím enjoying the rest of the week with my homework due the following day, and the hours flying by and leaving me in the dust, and all of a sudden, its that Sunday, and Iím screwed. Where did the time go?? Thatís the most common question in my life.... and the answer is short and bitter, Away. Timed finals are the worst, yer sitting in that little tight room with 16 other kids, writing what you pray are the right answers, and then you look at the clock after writing 1 out of 2 essays, and youíve wasted an hour and a half.. on one essay! You just lost yer entire final grade to time... I hate it, I hate it, I hate it....

Out of school my situation is often, timeless so-to-speak (pun intended). I laze around and wait to be woken up by myself whenever I want... thats when hell comes. It seems like 1 minute equals an hour, as summer brings my life to a hault. Boredom sets in... time wonít budge. Time just wonít want it to pass, it stays, you want it to stay, it passes. Thatís why its my obsession... itís dark, its haunting, its interesting. Time is like the universe, no one can control it... not the president, not the smartest person in the world. Itís ability to control and effect different people in different ways makes it inviting to inquiring minds. So now you know what to do with time, value it when it slips away, and try to busy it when idle hours fill yer life.

Donít let your obsessions fool you, because sometimes, they arenít all there...

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