The child's gone
Ever since day one of my life I had that special comfort. You know, that comfort thatís there at 4 am in the morning no matter what, well unless you threw it on the floor. That blanket or teddy bear thats always close and near to you. It always seems to fit just perfectly with you when you sleep, and when you wakeup itíll be found under the covers, hiding in some playful way. I still have my first teddy bear, and like an imature 6 year old, I take it out periodically and examin it, finding things I never saw before, that little tear udner his foot, or that different scent.
Iím discovering my childhood, but all to late. Iíve finally realized how wonderful and true it is to be a child, those days when all you want is to come home and play with your toys, or youíve had a bad day at school and yer parentsíll fix you something different for dinner to make you feel better. Those are the days. And I find myself, like an old man retelling his ďback in my dayĒ stories, telling my friends my old memories, as if thatís all they were. But they werenít just memories, because many happened just yesterday, where has my childhood gone?? Itís flown by me with this incredible rush of intensity, and all to quickly. I can remember my christmasí when my dad used to pretend to be Santa, and I remember believing. Thatís what I want, I want the innoncence of life, not the harsh realities. I keep thinking, next life Ill do my best, next life when iím 6 years old iíll know how special I am to be that young.. And then I think, and I know I wonít know that when Iím 6, what does a 6 year old really know?? They know not to color out of the lines, and they know that itís a comfort to have that extra blanket, and that the monster under your bed wonít come out unless that blankets missing.
I have this lamb, named Googles (you can laugh, thatís ok, I would too.) And I got him when I was 7 for an Easter gift. I remember getting him, and I remember naming him my security. From that day, till tonight he was my security. But tonight when I laid in bed, and pulled him close, he wouldnt fit perfectly into my position, he wouldnít stay with me in bed, he kept falling out, and I kept bringing him in. But then I realized, he doesnít fit anymore. He wonít protect me anymore. Itís time to let the monsters come out from under my bed. I put googles in the closet and I closed the door Iíve put away my childhood.
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